


Weird People

by Do_Droca



Series: The Wonderful Joys of Parenthood [3]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Parents, Attempt at Humor, Barbecue, But Johnny Burns All The Patties, Chaotic Good, Child Huang Ren Jun, Child Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Child Na Jaemin, Child Park Jisung (NCT), Family Dynamics, Family Shenanigans, Fluff and Humor, Gets Stuck In Donghyuck's Godforsaken Treehouse, Humor, I Don't Even Know, Multi, Parent!Johnny, Parent!Taeyong, Parent!Ten, Parent-Child Relationship, Parenthood, Poor Park Jisung (NCT), Stressed Lee Taeyong, WeirdUncle!Yuta, parent!jaehyun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:21:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24778315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Do_Droca/pseuds/Do_Droca
Summary: Johnny treats himself with a new barbecue grill and hosts a small party to flaunt his brilliant purchase, but as per usual, things start to go south an hour or so into their little gathering. Doyoung is late, Jisung gets stuck in a tree, and Yuta—in a failed attempt to fit into the whole family barbecue ordeal—shows up with a child.The kid is not Yuta's, though, and to make things even worse, Yuta does not whose it is, either.
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong
Series: The Wonderful Joys of Parenthood [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1749424
Comments: 50
Kudos: 326





	Weird People

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Here I am, back with more bullshit! I'm not too happy with how this one turned out, but I felt bad for not posting for so long so... here you go :((( I must say I was pleasantly surprised by all of your suggestions in the last fic, and I'll definitely do them at some point (some I've even started) but UNI has been quite stressful lately so it might take some time... please understand
> 
> Also, Thank you all for all the love and kind words! And for those of you that are new, feel free to check out the first two parts of the series! It's cool if you don't, too; I've been trying to do these kinda like one-shots, so you can read it just as it is as well 😊
> 
> Without further ado, I present you shitshow 3.0

**Grilling**

It is Sunday, the sun is shining, and Johnny is burning yet another set of beef patties on his brand new barbecue grill. Ten and Jaehyun are watching everything unfold from the safety of the back porch, hiding in the shade while drinking beverages of volumes that match their age, enjoying the view while dutifully ignoring Jaehyun's husband Taeyong and his cries for help.

Or at least they're trying to. Taeyong is not giving them a break, screaming as if one of the kids is drowning and not climbing a tree.

"Let them be, Taeyong," Ten yells over the sound of meat sizzling on the grill, eyes still focused on his husband instead of at least sparing a glance at his friend; there is nothing to look at, anyway. Taeyong is standing under Donghyuck's godforsaken treehouse, yelling at the kids, begging them to come down. He has been going on like that for 15 minutes already, and Ten is getting annoyed.

"C'mon, Tae! They're 15, not 5!"

"Jisung's 13, actually," Jaehyun helpfully supplies from where he is standing by his side as if it matters, promptly taking a sip of his whiskey. The coffee cup he has poured it in wonderfully hides the fact he is drinking in broad daylight because God forbid Jung Jaehyun does (read: gets caught doing) anything remotely scandalous.

Ten rolls his eyes. "Whatever. Nothing's going to happen. The only reason why Donghyuck even fell from that tree is that he was climbing over the less stable branches instead of staying in the motherfucking treehouse," Ten explains with a mild frown on his face. Well, least that was why he fell last time. The first time he fell, it was because he was trying to build the treehouse himself, which, safe to say, did not go well, at least judging from the broken leg he sported after.

Ten shakes his head at the memory. "Both of your kids are wussies and would not dare to do that, so I don't see what's the big deal. Taeyong is just overreacting because Donghyuck's been a bit clumsy lately. Just because my kid does not seem to fear death does not mean yours are like that as well. And let's not forget you and Johnny made that treehouse. He's literally indirectly saying he does not trust you."

"He doesn't trust _Johnny_ ," Jaehyun corrects him. "All I did was hand him the tools and kept him company while he fixed what Donghyuck had already done."

"But Johnny helped you guys build all of your Ikea furniture. That has to mean _something_."

"I don't think you can compare a nightstand to a treehouse, Ten."

"Sure, I can. It's basically doing legos or a puzzle, but with bigger pieces."

Jaehyun laughs at that and wipes his forehead with the back of his hand, his bangs wet from sweat. May is coming to an end. The weather is getting more and more unforgivable, reaching atrocious temperatures. Ten is sweating like a pig—well, all of them are, but the sweat patches are most prominent on Ten due to the gray shirt he is wearing, and he regrets hosting the party. The fact Johnny is in a worse position is his only consolation.

"Fuck, it's hot."

"I know," Jaehyun groans, throwing his head back so sweat would stop trickling down his forehead and into his eyes. "Now that summer is approaching, Taeyong keeps trailing after us with sunscreen all the time, going on about how we're going to get skin cancer if we don’t protect ourselves. It reminds me of the times when he had an obsession with Febreze, and kept carrying it around spraying everything and everyone."

Ten hums, knowing what he is talking about, "How'd you even get him to stop?"

"Jisung pretended it triggered his asthma."

" _Nice_."

They both take another sip of their drinks, Jaehyun slurping whiskey out of his mug like coffee while Ten shamelessly chugs the last drops of wine straight from the bottle—the number of dishes he is going to have to wash later is already giving him a headache. You will not catch him dirtying any more dishes than necessary, especially not when he can drink straight from the bottle, saving a glass. An ounce of prevention is worth pounds of cure.

They fall into comfortable silence (if you exclude the ruckus that is happening by the treehouse) watching Johnny do his thing behind the grill. He is still smiling, flipping the meat every few seconds, but by the looks of it, he does not seem to be doing a good job.

"Oh, no," Johnny suddenly mumbles quietly into his chin before stepping away from the grill, his lips turning downwards in sadness and distress. "Honey, I think I burned the patties again."

Ten pulls away from his bottle with a pop. "What?" he asks, unable to hear him from Taeyong screaming something in the background.

"I burned the patties!"

"Again?" Jaehyun asks, his brows drawn together in confusion.

"Fucking great. I knew we should've waited for Dongyoung," Ten says, groaning once realizing there is only so much meat left in the freezer for them to use. If they had only waited for Dongyoung—the king of barbecue, the Mr. Perfect—they probably would not have waisted two packs of patties on nothing. Ten does not know why he even let Johnny get a grill in the first place; his cooking skills are equal to those of Jisung, and Jisung is 13.

"Just—" he hisses, "stay there and don't touch anything! Jesus!"

He turns around and picks up his phone from where he left it on the windowsill, checking the time and getting surprised realizing Dongyoung is, in fact, a whole hour late, which is highly unusual for someone that is usually always right on time.

"Where the fuck is he?" He asks, fury evident in his voice. Of all the times, now is when he chooses to be late. "I specifically told him to come around 3!"

"Actually, you said to come whenever. Tae and I just showed up at 3, because it seemed like the right time," Jaehyun tells him, going for another sip of his whiskey.

Ten ignores him. "I'm going to call him," he announces, punching in his phone password with his lips set in a tight line. He will call him, and give him a piece of his mind—

" _Oh, my God_!"

Ten almost drops his phone, head snapping up in high-alert, and he quickly scans the garden to see what is going on, his eyes stopping at the tree Taeyong and his husband are standing under together with Jaemin and Donghyuck. Nothing is making sense to him until Jaehyun starts running towards them as well, asking what is going on and only getting a simple _Jisung_ in response while Taeyong points at the tree. Of course.

"Honey!" Johnny yells seconds later, turning around to make sure Ten is listening. "Go and get the ladder! Jisung's stuck!"

Of course.

**Cat Stuck In A Tree(house)**

" _Dad, I wanna go down_ ," Jisung cries from the treehouse, his whole face red while tears continue streaming down his cheeks like waterfalls. A single tear even manages to fall directly into Ten's eye, and he curses, taking a step back from the tree, rubbing it with the back of his hand as Taeyong continues to reassure the little gremlin Johnny is going to save him.

"Don't worry, Sungie! Uncle Johnny will help you!"

Johnny, however, seems to think otherwise. Tactless as ever, he purses his lips, "I don't think I can, Tae. I can't reach him even with the ladder. We'll have to call the fire department or something."

Jisung wails even harder after hearing the news, and Taeyong looks like he is seconds away from starting crying too, so Ten steps in, shooing Johnny (as well as Jaehyun) away into the house to check if they have a bigger ladder in the basement. They do not, but at least he will be out of the way and unable to give any more stupid comments.

"Listen, Taeyong," Ten begins, taking a step back from him in case he decides to throw hands, "worst-case scenario, we'll gather all the mattresses from the house, arrange them under the treehouse, and he'll jump."

The look Taeyong gives him proves taking a step back was a smart decision. "My son will _not_ be jumping from your goddamn treehouse."

"Hey, I said _worst-case scenario_ , not that he'll have to jump for sure," Ten defends himself, hands up in mock surrender.

"It's a _no_ - _case_ scenario," Taeyong crosses his arms tightly. "He'll jump and then what? Land on his feet gracefully? He is no cat, Ten. He'll break his leg."

"He won't."

"Ten," Taeyong gives him a look, "Donghyuck fell off this same tree half a year ago and broke his leg."

"That's what the mattresses will be for, Taeyong," Ten elaborates, pointing against his head with a finger to indicate he thought it through. He pretends to be unbothered by Taeyong's comment, but the truth is the sole memory of Dongyuck breaking his leg gives him chills, and he winces inwardly. He would rather not have yet another conversation about it.

The other man runs a hand through his hair, a heavy groan leaving his lips as he tilts his head backward, staring at the treetop above him. "Why is it always your kid? Why?" he ponders. "Every time something bad happens, your kid is involved."

Ten looks at Donghyuck just in time to see him wince at Taeyong's words, Taeyong's other son Jaemin standing next to him, desperately trying to stifle his laugh. If Ten were to be as stupid as Johnny, he would try and defend his son, telling Taeyong it is not only Donghyuck's fault but his and Jaemin's combined. Ten is not Johnny, though. Ten is smarter. Ten knows now is not the time to start arguments, so he sighs, putting his hands on his hips before facing the treehouse, lifting his head to look at Jisung.

"Hey, kiddo," he calls him, waiting for Jisung to nod his head in affirmation, "are you okay with staying up there for a bit longer? I promise we'll get you down somehow."

Jisung nods again, pulling his tear-soaked bangs away from his eyes. "I'm scared, uncle Ten."

Ten barely holds back from rolling his eyes. "When are you not? Just hold on, we'll think of something."

He asks Taeyong to join him at the porch, telling the other two boys to keep an eye on Jisung after they leave. He trips over the torn rope ladder discarded nearby as soon as he starts walking, the sole reason why Jisung is stuck in the treehouse in the first place. Donghyuck and Jaemin treated the ladder like a swing earlier, and it tore, sending them both crashing down, subsequently leaving Jisung stuck in the treehouse without any means on getting back to the ground.

Ten knew he should not have bought the rope ladder off of Amazon. He should have known it was of bad quality. The price was suspicious right off the bat, too good for it to be true. But alas, Ten still bought it, and now he has a child stuck in his son's treehouse, a child he has no idea how to get back to the ground safely.

Well, he has _one_ idea and knows Taeyong will not like it.

"So, the treehouse is too high for us to reach it," he says as if it is not obvious, his statement prompting Taeyong to bury his face in his hands.

" _God_."

"Yes, good, pray," Ten encourages, pulling his phone out of his back pocket. "We're going to need all the luck and help we can get."

"What if Johnny's right? What if we're going to have to call the fire department?"

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Ten stops typing his text mid-sentence. "Get a grip. There won't be any fire department involved. We're doing this the Chittaphon way."

"Ten," Taeyong says, "I don't like the sound of that."

"Calm down," he tells him just as he sends a text. "Trust me. I've got this."

"What'd you do?"

"Remember that old friend of mine, Kun?"

"Who?"

"Dad of the kid that broke our window at Donghyuck's 12th birthday party."

Taeyong stops to think about it, and it takes a few seconds before recognition dawns on his face. "The one with the hot wife and a killer muffin recipe?"

Based on the _hot wife_ , Ten is pretty sure Taeyong is indeed talking about Kun, but he is still somewhat confused about the muffin part. "What muffin recipe?"

"Nevermind," Taeyong waves it off. "What does he have to do with this?"

"Well, you see, Kun is kind of Bob the Builder. Well, not exactly, but he owns a construction company or something, and last time we were at his place he had this really cool excavator parked in his yard—"

" _No_."

"But listen! He does not live too far away! He'll be here in an hour tops. We can park the excavator right next to the tree, close enough for Jisung to crawl into the bucket, and we get him down safe and sound! As easy as that!"

"Oh, my God," Taeyong looks seconds away from passing out or hyperventilating, and he has to lean against the windowsill in order not to topple over. "We're going to have to call the fire department."

"What? No! The _excavator_ , Taeyong! That is our best option!"

"We're going to have to call the fire department," Taeyong repeats, wheezing. "Oh, my God. They're going to call the child protection service on me. They're going to take away my kids."

"The excavator, Taeyong."

" _They're going to take away my kids_ ," Taeyong covers his mouth with his hand, suddenly sick. He is about to repeat it when the chime of the doorbell echoes throughout Ten's house, startling both men. They hold their breath for a second, wondering who it might be before remembering the Kims and the fact they're late.

"Dongyoung," Taeyong gasps, and his eyes light up. "Dongyoung will know what to do."

Ten rolls his eyes. Of course. Leave it up to Dongyoung to save the day.

They are just about to head into the house to let him in when someone else walks out through the back door, someone who is not even supposed to be here, promptly stunning them both.

The man smiles, his teeth as white as his hair, and he waves at the other two, ignoring the pure look of shock on their faces. There is yet another piercing on his face, Ten notices, a black hoop at the side of his nose, but the jewel is currently the last thing on his mind. He is not supposed to be here. According to Johnny, he is not even supposed to be in the _country_.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Ten asks instead of a greeting, but even the clear disapproval in his voice is not enough to break the man's smile.

"I thought I'd drop by and say hi!"

"Yuta, you weren't even invited."

Yuta pouts. "But I heard Jaehyun mention the party to Dongyoung at work," he says as if it explains anything. Ten hears Taeyong curse Jaehyun under his breath next to him.

"Yuta, have we not talked about this," Ten pinches the bridge of his nose. "You can't show up at parties uninvited, _family_ _parties,_ especially not when all you do is drink until you're puking into the pool—"

"And my rose bushes."

"—and Taeyong's rose bushes like some 20-year-old frat boy," Ten says with a frown on his face, "It's not cool, man."

While Ten has nothing against a bit of alcohol—for the love of God, he drinks his wine straight from the bottle—he, unlike Yuta, _does_ know his limits and is not vomiting all over the place every time they have a party. He also has a child, just like Taeyong, and he understands how uncomfortable it might be for the kids to watch a grown-up man strip, puke his guts out, and fall asleep in the middle of the lawn every other week. No one wants to see Yuta's naked ass covered in vomit. _No one_.

And the truth is, Ten has nothing against Yuta. The man is funny and charming, as well as one of Ten's oldest friends, and the sole reason why he even met his husband. Their history goes _way_ back. Yuta is Ten's _best man,_ for crying out loud, but it still does not change the fact that while all of them grew up and settled down, Yuta is still going through his frat boy phase, ruining the family vibes every time he shows up.

"But Tennie," he pouts, "I even have a party pass this time."

Ten raises an eyebrow. "A party pass?"

"Yes! Look!" He enthusiastically says before gesturing someone to come over, and to Ten's and Taeyong's shock, an unknown boy steps outside, his face blank while Yuta shows him off with a grin as if he is showing them a brand new car and not a kid.

"Ta-da! A child!"

" _Yuta_ ," Taeyong stares in disbelief.

"Now I fit right into y'all's whole fam barbecue thing! Yuta, the king of assimilation," he beams, ignoring the horrified looks Taeyong and Ten are giving him.

"Yuta," Ten grits out, "Whose kid is that?"

"Uh," the man's smile drops, and he nervously glances at the kid. "He's the neighbor's kid. Trevor."

"My name's Renjun," the boy corrects him, face still void of any emotion.

" _Oh, my God_!" Taeyong gasps. Yuta indeed stole a kid. "Yuta!"

The man winces, knowing he fucked up, and Ten, Ten is livid. He is about to take off his slippers and start hitting Yuta with them for being such a moron when Jaemin's voice interrupts them.

"Dad!" he calls Taeyong, voice shrill and high. "Jisung's gotta pee!"

At the mention of the boy's name, Taeyong freezes. As if a switch flipped in his head, he goes back to panicking about his son, remembering Jisung is stuck. He gasps, turning to look at Ten, eyes wide as saucers.

"Oh, God, Ten. We're going to have to call the fire department."

**A Hero**

"Dad, I have to pee," Jisung whines as soon as they approach the tree, only the top of his head and eyes peeking from the treehouse. It takes him some time, but eventually, he notices the new addition to his rescue crew, and he crawls closer to the ledge, smile a mile wide on his face. "Hi, uncle Yuta!"

Yuta beams back equally as happy. "Hi, chick! Whatcha doin'?"

"I'm stuck."

"Damn. Tough shit, my friend," Yuta grimaces, ignoring the look Taeyong is giving him. He knows he is not supposed to curse around the kids, but well, they are not his kids, and even if they were, he still would not care. "D'ya want uncle Yuta to get you down?"

Jisung beams, nodding his head enthusiastically. "Yes!"

"Yuta, we've already tried getting him down, and it didn’t work," Ten tells him, already sensing an upcoming headache. Yuta's mind is a weird thing, and Ten is afraid of what his plan might be. "How do _you_ plan on getting him down?"

"Johnny said he can't reach him even _with_ the ladder," Taeyong adds.

"Uncle Johnny sucks!" Jisung yells from the treehouse, and Taeyong glares at him, a silent warning not to say things like that. It successfully scares the boy, and he crawls back into the treehouse. Ten briefly wonders if the death-glare would work on Donghyuck, but dismisses the thought almost immediately—Jisung is a scaredy-cat. Donghyuck is the spawn of satan.

He turns to look at Yuta, who distracted by Jisung pauses for a second before answering. "I've got my truck."

"You've got your truck," Ten repeats after him, unimpressed.

"Yeah," he nods his head, raising one of his hands to pat the top of his head. "The roof's pretty flat, we can put the ladder on top of it. That's gotta add at least 6 feet."

Taeyong's anger dissolves almost immediately, and his mouth falls open. "Oh," he dumbly says, "that might actually work."

And Ten has to agree with Taeyong. He does not want to—an excavator is way cooler than Yuta's old truck—but he _understands_. Currently, the only important thing is to get Jisung back to the ground. How? It does not matter. That is why he nods when Taeyong turns to look at him, non-verbally asking for his opinion.

"Truck it is!" Yuta beams, running off as soon as those words leave his lips.

Ten and Taeyong look at each other for a brief moment, clearly doubting the decision they made, but there is not much else to do except trust Yuta. Hopefully, Jisung will make it down in one piece, and if not, Taeyong will make sure to break every single bone in Yuta's body.

It is not long before Yuta arrives with his truck, driving right across one of Johnny's sunflower beds he planted near the front porch, crushing them until they are nothing more but a ground plant pancake. Ten does not remember the truck being this ugly, but it might just be his mind playing tricks on him. Maybe he subconsciously forgot how it looks, traumatized by its sheer lack of any artistic value, unable to comprehend how someone owns such a vile thing. Yes, that must be it.

Yuta's pickup truck is red, but at the same time, it is not. One door is blue, for reasons unknown, and the tailgate is black, for reasons also unknown. The rest of the truck that is red does not seem like it is red _at all_ , the original color either covered by a layer of dried mud or an awful paint job Ten is half-convinced Yuta did himself, and he truly does not understand how Yuta can drive that monstrosity.

Appearance aside, Ten must admit the thing is serving its purpose. The roof is flat just like Yuta has mentioned before, and before Ten knows it, the ladder is already there, the man on top of it, gesturing to Jisung to come. The kid is, as expected, petrified, and Taeyong has to keep assuring him Yuta will get him safely down even though he is not too sure of that himself either. Ten stands next to the truck with his arms crossed, watching it all happen, not wanting to interfere too much. If Jisung were to fall, he would try and catch him, of course, but otherwise, he will rather just stand and watch.

"Imagine if Yuta dropped him," he says, knowing the thought will freak Taeyong out, smiling after Taeyong chokes on his own spit.

"Don't say things like—Oh, fuck. _You're doing great, sweetie_!"

Jisung has successfully crawled into Yuta's arms, and all there is left to do is to climb down. The boy is shaking like a leaf; Ten can see him practically vibrating in his friend's arms, but at least he is not crying. Once they make it back to the ground, Jisung wastes no time and runs directly into Taeyong's arms, burying his head in the man's chest while his hands grip tightly at the back of his shirt. Ten would coo at them, but the smug look on Yuta's face is too big of a distraction.

"A hero," Ten drones, staring blankly at the man in front of him.

"A hero," Yuta repeats, grinning. He takes down the ladder and places it next to the truck, patting it and thanking it for cooperating as if it is alive before turning to look at Ten. "A hero deserves some beer, doesn't he?"

"Not if he plans on puking in the pool."

"Oh, c'mon," Yuta whines, "that was one time!"

Ten is ready to correct him and say it was three times when something else catches his attention, a small movement in the corner of his eye. He turns to look at it, expecting to see the kid Yuta brought along with him, but all he finds is the weird neighbor's kid spying on them. The boy scurries away as soon as he meets Ten's eyes, and the man turns to look at Yuta again, a question on his lips. Something is off.

"Where's your kid?"

Yuta frowns, bringing one of his hands to his mouth, nibbling at the skin around his nails. "What kid? I don't have any kids."

"Yuta, the kid you've brought with you."

Ten can see the exact moment Yuta remembers the kid and realizes he is nowhere in sight. "Fuck."

**The Search**

Finding a kid proves to be quite challenging if you know nothing about him.

"What do you mean, you don't have his number?" Taeyong asks, ushering Jisung into the house so he can go to the bathroom and not pee his pants. Ten and Yuta are right behind him, their eyes searching all over the place in hopes of finding the missing boy, but in vain.

"He doesn't even know the kid's name, why would he have his fucking number?" Ten scoffs, shaking his head at the stupid question.

It evokes a sigh out of Taeyong. "What were you thinking, Yuta?" Taeyong chides as soon as Jisung is out of the way. "Actually, scratch that. I don't want to know. God knows what's going on inside that head of yours. What I want to know is where'd you even find him?" He surely could not have picked him up on the side of the road, Taeyong thinks.

"I was serious when I said he's the neighbor's kid," Yuta says, promptly crouching to check under the garden table. "I'm just," he bites his lip, "not sure whose exactly. But I swear I see him around the block all the time. He's not a complete stranger."

"That's honestly not making me feel any better," Ten says. "I don't know what's more disturbing, you stealing a kid, or the said kid wandering somewhere around my house, doing God knows what."

"I didn't steal him," Yuta repeats. "I just asked him if he wants to come with when I met him on the street."

"God, you're the messed up equivalent of the pedophile in a white van stereotype," Ten pinches the bridge of his nose, "But like, Asian, dumb, and going through a midlife crisis. And instead of a white van, you have an ugly ass pickup truck. Why did he even agree?"

"C'mon, man," Yuta whines, "I just asked, and he agreed! He clearly knows who I am."

"You must've bribed him with something," Taeyong says, stepping into the house. The other two men follow suit.

"Well, I might've told him I'm heading over to a barbecue…"

"Nice," Ten drones, "and now that he realized there's no barbecue, he probably went straight back home."

"We live at least 10 miles away."

"Kids are stupid. They have no sense of distance."

Taeyong purses his lips, opening Ten's pantry and checking if the boy is there. "He's not a _kid_ kid though. He seems more like Jaemin's and Donghyuck's age. I don't think he's that dumb."

Ten quirks an eyebrow. "Are you telling me you don't think Jaemin and Donghyuck are dumb?"

Taeyong halts in his movements. "Well, when you say it like that…"

"They're all stupid, Tae."

"I just think he's not stupid _enough_ to go home on foot."

"If he's not in the house, we can check the bus station?" Yuta suggests.

"Definitely," Ten agrees. "But first, let's search the house. If I see something missing, you're paying for it, Yuta."

The only thing that ends up missing is Ten's dignity once Taeyong opens his office, gasping at the mess. Not only are his art supplies and papers all over the place, but every piece of junk that used to be in the living room is also there, stored away for the time being. It is the quickest way to clean the living room when they have guests over, and one of Ten's personal favorites, purely because it takes him less than 5 seconds to bring something from the living room into the office, and the living room is clean in less than 10 minutes.

But because the living room is usually such a mess, the office becomes one too, and Ten's cheeks burn as he pulls Taeyong away from the door, promptly closing them shut. "I don't think he's there."

The search continues without much success, except for Yuta finding one of Ten's first Roomba's stuck under the old wardrobe in the hallway. It is almost as if the kid vanished in thin air—there is not a single sign of him, and if it were not for the other two men, Ten would think he made him up. They gather in the hallway, each with a grim expression on their faces, unsure of what the next step should be.

"If we don't find him by 6, we should call his parents," Taeyong says, anxiously biting his nails as he looks around the house, hoping for the kid to appear.

"You keep fucking forgetting Yuta does not know the kid's name, much less who his parents are," Ten grits out, hand placed over his eyes. The headache arrived.

"I'm pretty sure it's the Chinese couple from across the street," Yuta says, scratching his beard. "Yeah, I don't think there are any other Asians on my block."

"Just because he's Asian doesn't mean his parents are, too," Ten points out. "You're literally friends with two gay couples who adopted. Maybe he's adopted?"

Yuta gives him a look. "Your kids are all Asian just like you, though."

"Lucky coincidence."

"I still can't believe you didn't even ask him for his name"

"It didn't seem important! Besides, he introduced himself earlier, too. You could've easily remembered his name."

"Well, I forgot."

"Listen, I don't think now is the time to bicker," Taeyong says solemnly. "We need to find the kid."

Ten groans, banging his head against the wall he is leaned on. A dry chuckle leaves his lips before he manages to suppress it. "God, if I had to do this every day, I'd go crazy. I'm not used to this. I usually just let Donghyuck wander around; he always comes back home, anyway."

A few moments pass in silence before Taeyong speaks up, slowly and carefully.

"Ten," he calls.

"Yeah?"

"Where are the kids?"

Only then does Ten notice the eery silence of his home, and he pushes himself off the wall, eyes locking with Taeyong's instantly.

"Taeyong."

"Ten," he whispers. "The kids are missing."

"Oh, fuck my life."

**A Hero, But A Bit Late**

Johnny and Jaehyun get virtually nothing of what the other three men are saying to them, but they do get the gist—Yuta has a child, and the child is missing, as well as all of their children. Taeyong is close to having a mental breakdown, probably for the third time today, and he is pulling at Jaehyun's sleeve, telling him to do something.

"Calm down, love," he manages to squeak out as Taeyong drags him out of the basement, going on about how Yuta's kid probably kidnapped theirs. It makes no sense, but Jaehyun knows better than to point it out.

"So, Jisung's down?" Johnny asks as if it is the most important thing, and it earns him a glare from Taeyong.

"Yes! But he is missing!"

Johnny pauses for a moment, contemplating something. "Have you checked Donghyuck's room?"

All three men freeze. "What?" Ten asks.

"Have you checked Donghyuck's room?"

"Oh," Ten breathes out. "We forgot about the upper floor."

Johnny and Jaehyun exchange a look before Johnny sighs, wiping his dirty hands against his shorts. He was full of dust and covered with dirt, having spent a good hour digging through the stuff they have in their basement looking for a ladder, only for them to tell them they already got the kid down.

Nevertheless, he heads upstairs, all of them trailing behind him like little ducklings. He has to admit Ten was right—it _is_ eerily quiet, but that could also be a sign the kids are up to no good. He puts a finger over his lips, showing them to be quiet, and tiptoes to Donghyuck's door, counting to three before slamming it open.

There are four boys sprawled across the bed, a laptop in front of them, some movie playing on it. They all jump from surprise when the door flies open, Jisung going as far as screaming, and all five men let out a sigh of relief after seeing them together, realizing they are all safe and sound. Donghyuck immediately crawls to the laptop, quickly pausing the movie before turning to look at the men in front of his room.

"What now?" he asks. "Is the barbecue finally done? Renjun's hungry."

Johnny can hear Yuta repeat the name under his breath while the new kid—Renjun—turns red, slapping Donghyuck lightly and saying he is not _that_ hungry. Ten coughs somewhere behind him.

"Well, no," he says and checks the time on his phone, seeing it is almost half past 5. He does not miss the disappointed looks on the kids' faces, so he adds: "And since the Kims are nowhere in sight, I guess there won't be any at all. I'm not letting Johnny back near the grill. But I can order some pizza?"

The kids all scream in agreement, happy with the news, and Ten is about to tell them to shut up when something catches his attention, a strange whirring noise coming from somewhere nearby. It is getting gradually louder and louder and closer—

"Oh my fucking god," Taeyong screams together with Jisung when it rings throughout the house, shaking it slightly, and Ten grabs the doorframe out of instinct, thinking it is an earthquake. However, the surprising thing is that the house is not actually shaking; it just sounds like something is going to tear it apart.

"What the fuck is going on?" Donghyuck yells, holding tightly onto Jaemin while something is scraping at the sides of the house. The façade wall of his room is vibrating, clearly being the one under the impact, and Ten is about to yell back he does not know when he catches a glimpse of something yellow through Donghyuck's window, seconds before the noise turns back to simple whirring.

"No fucking way," he scoffs, running towards the window and pushing it open.

There is a massive yellow excavator in the yard, and a rather disheveled looking Kun operating it. He turns it off as soon as he notices Ten at the window, screaming his lungs out, telling him to stop. He then opens the door, looks at something at the side of the house, and winces, giving Ten a sheepish smile. 

"Hey—"

"What the fuck did you do?" Ten screams again, leaning out of the window while trying to catch a glimpse of whatever it is that Kun was looking at earlier. Judging from the previous sound, it is nothing good.

"I kind of scraped a bit of your façade off! But it is okay! I can fix it! I'll fix it!"

Everything is quiet for a moment, and then Renjun speaks up.

"You people are so weird."

**Author's Note:**

> Lol that's it ahhahah and yes, Doyoung never showed up. Also, I think I should probably add another chapter because ??? how did Renjun get home in the end??? What happened with the excavator??? many questions and no answers
> 
> That aside, I hope you're all doing well. A lot of stuff has happened during the past month, and I must admit I was, surprisingly, far more affected than I thought I would be. I can not say I understand what some of you are going through, or that I feel the pain you're going through, but my heart does ache for you. Please, do not let these dark times crush you. Stay safe,
> 
> For those of you that want to help, I have gathered some links, and I'll try and link them below (hopefully it'll work, I'm still getting used to AO3) Of course, I am not able to mention all that is happening in the world right now, but hopefully, these will still be of use  
> [BLM](https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/)  
> [Yemen Crisis](https://yemencrisis.carrd.co/)  
> [Trans Rights](https://trans--rights.carrd.co/)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [You couldn’t raise an earthworm without giving it Daddy issues](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28481484) by [Thistley](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thistley/pseuds/Thistley)




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